weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
smell my finger.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
