Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the day after is always just damage control
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
