He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
