It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
