I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
