Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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