He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
