Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
