You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
