So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
