i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Found the puke drawer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize