remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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