Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just pee around me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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