I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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