If that was your dad, he is hot
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
