in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
