also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
