"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
