the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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