You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
