I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Two words: blizzard sex
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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