I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize