I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
