My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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