Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
