I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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