Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
