There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
