Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
