If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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