My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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