So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize