It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
