The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
