Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
