today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
