He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
