a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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