if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
