Need sex. Gaining weight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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