i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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