yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
