dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
