and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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