Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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