just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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