did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
