I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
