Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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