We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
two words...techno handjob
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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