is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
