your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize