Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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