Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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