i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize