he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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