those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
