oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
