Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
