In the future we'll all be gay
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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