He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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