Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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