Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
