Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
