I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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