They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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