4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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