dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
bring money and cleavage
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
