i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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