She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
