Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
