sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
