Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Buhtt sex?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
