girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
