Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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