You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
