Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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