I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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