I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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