Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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