everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
