Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Please, let me fuck your mom
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
