Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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