i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
