Yo dont text me then not text me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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