Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
