I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
