Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
try to milk me bitch
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
