I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
