He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
