dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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